


Fuck It, I Love You

by doublemetalaxis



Series: Old Memories [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Era, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-19
Updated: 2014-03-19
Packaged: 2018-01-16 06:21:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1335247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doublemetalaxis/pseuds/doublemetalaxis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Known on ffnet as Let Go and Love Him, the story of two military dorks.  (Or, alternatively: Eren tries to confess to Levi time and time again, but the words won't come out. Sometimes, you need to throw caution to the wind.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fuck It, I Love You

**Author's Note:**

> This was a Valentine's Day story, but it's been a while since then. So I'm just posting it as a regular entry, because it was fun to write (and also because ffnet took my page breaks away). Please enjoy it!

 

            “Levi, I love everything about you.  Will you go out with me?”  Eren Jaeger stood in his best friend’s room, pacing back and forth. “No, that didn’t sound right.”

            “Maybe you need something more about his personality?”  Suggested Armin, who was sitting on the bed. He was kicking his feet gently against the side as he tried to help Eren figure out just how he was going to confess to his stoic squad leader.

            “I couldn’t live a day without you, Levi.  My heart needs you to continue beating.”  Eren tried again.  “No, too sappy and desperate-sounding.  Plus I really could die, so it might not be the best idea to bring that up.”  He shivered. Armin nodded in agreement.

            “I’m sure you’ll find some way.  For now you should probably try to be a little more affectionate toward him,” Armin supplied.  “Say, didn’t he ask you earlier to sweep the corridors?”  Eren turned pale and stopped pacing immediately. In seconds he had grabbed a broom and dustpan and was out the door, leaving Armin to sigh and flop back onto the covers.  “He’s hopeless,” he muttered.

            As Eren swept the castle at what he hoped was approaching mach speed, Levi turned the corner just ahead and nearly bumped into him.  “Morning, brat.”  He said in a monotone, briefly inspecting the floor for any dust Eren might have left.

            “Good morning, Corporal!”  Eren’s heels rushed together and he delivered a quick salute.  _Did he just greet me without adding any insults?_   Eren wondered, blushing as Levi returned his gesture.  The “brat” part didn’t really count, since it was practically his name already.  The shorter man continued past him wordlessly, and the teen watched him leave before returning to his cleaning.  _I’ll never be able to tell him_ , he thought as he finished sweeping.  Perhaps combat training with Mikasa would wipe the blush off his face before anyone noticed.

            Nonetheless, an hour later he was taking a water break under a tree, nursing several (rather large) bruises, and Levi would not leave his mind.  “Argh!  I already think about him all the time, so why can’t he just get out of my head already?”  Eren nearly screamed in frustration.

            “Why can’t who get out of your head?”  Questioned Mikasa.  “Did that shorty do something to you again?”

            “N-no, it’s not anything bad, I just…” Eren trailed off, unsure of what to tell her.  _Might as well go with the truth._   “I like him.”

            “Like who?”  This time, two voices asked the question.  Eren turned to see Levi approaching, carrying a towel and a water skin with him. He jumped a bit in surprise.

            “Corporal, what are you doing here?”  He inquired, mentally slapping himself for the way his voice wavered.

            “I think I have a right to be on the training grounds, don’t I, brat?” Levi quipped, stopping calmly in front of him.  “So, who were you talking about?”

            “N-no one, sir,” the teen stuttered.  _Why is he even interested?_ He wondered.  Levi pressed on.

            “No one, hm?”  He asked. “That would explain why you’re blushing constantly.  No One’s always around, isn’t he?”  Levi only looked bored, but let out a short laugh at the joke.  “I was starting to think you’d caught a fever. Now, I’m going to practice. See you, brat. Don’t get too many bruises.” He walked away to a farther corner of the training grounds.

            Eren, relieved, sank back against the tree.  “That might’ve been the most words he’s ever said to me,” he mumbled.  _But I still couldn’t confess._   He stared wistfully in Levi’s direction just as the man was removing his shirt, revealing perfectly toned muscles. Eren promptly threw himself back into training with Mikassa, willing himself not to get distracted. His attempts failed the second shirtless, sweaty Levi started running laps around the field, and the boy quickly found his face in the grass.  “Thanks, Mikasa.”  He groaned.  He had fallen way too hard, and not because of Mikasa’s expert throws.  For his squad leader.

            Later, in the dining hall, Levi asked him how he got so many bruises, raising an eyebrow when Eren nearly choked on his bread.  It isn’t an unusual question—usually Eren can hold his own against Mikasa well enough to only have two or three marks—but there was no way Levi could know the real reason.  “Off day,” Eren managed to lie, and Levi nodded in a way that let Eren know the older man didn’t believe it for a second.  _Oh no._ He thought.  _I totally love him, don’t I?_   He glanced over at Levi, and quickly looked away when their eyes met, heart thumping crazily.  _That’s a yes._

            Eren went to the dungeon that night exhausted, sore, and thoroughly done with the world.  He groaned and flopped onto his bunk, lying facedown on top of the covers.  Hanji, his guard for the night, immediately started questioning him.  “What’s wrong? Are you sick?  Are you stressed out?  Is someone bothering you?”  She pressed.  He groaned in reply.  “Eren, I need you to answer me in words.  What’s wrong?”

            “Major, can we not talk about it?”  He sent her a pleading look, hoping she wouldn’t pry any further. He hoped in vain.

            “But we have to talk about it, Eren!”  She insisted.  “I need to know if what you’re feeling is going to affect you very strongly. Besides,” she batted her eyelashes at him from behind her glasses (which was far more terrifying than it was persuasive), “Wouldn’t you like to get it off your chest?”

            “I can’t deny that I would, but…” Eren trailed off, trying to phrase his sentence in the least insulting way possible.  “I just don’t feel like you’re the person I should talk to about this.”

            Hanji looked confused.  “Why not?”

            “B-because!” Eren stammered, blushing and looking away.  “It’s about the person I like.”  He hugged his knees to his chest.

            “Oh? Eren, do you maybe…” The scientist gave him a devious smirk.  “Have a crush on me?”

            “What? No!  You just spend a lot of time with that person is all, and I don’t really want them to find out yet. Not until I tell them.” It was the truth, after all. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Hanji; he knew she would do her best not to tell anyone if she knew. She just tended to talk a lot, and she might accidentally share too much information.  The young soldier sighed and pulled his knees in closer.

            “Oh Eren, you know you can trust me,” she cooed, softening her voice. “Is it someone on my squad? Is it a guy?  Is he on Erwin’s squad?  Your squad?”

            “No, Major, he’s on my squad.  And yes, he’s a guy.”  Eren finally cracked, too tired to deal with her constant questions.  Unfortunately, the tiny bit of information only encouraged the woman.

            “Ooh, who is it?  Is he cute? Handsome?  Tall or short?”  Her glasses fogged up.  “When are you going to tell him how you feel?”  She dashed into the cell and sat down next to him, grabbing his hand.  Eren gave her a desperate look.

            “Please, Major, can we not–”

            “Nooo!” She protested, cutting him off. “Now you have to tell me!” The sound of footsteps approaching stopped her from asking any further questions.

            “What’s all this?”  Levi stepped in front of the cell.  “Hanji, I told you to watch the brat, not force gossip out of him.  You’re noisy.”  Eren blushed and looked at the floor.

            “But Levi~!”  Hanji protested, still gripping Eren’s hand.

            “No ‘but’s.  Get out of the cell.” Levi walked away. “I’d better not hear any more loud, annoying chatter,” he called over his shoulder before the sound of his footsteps faded away.  Hanji looked disappointed, but did as she was told.

            “Is it him?”  She asked quietly, when she was sure she wouldn’t be reprimanded again.  Eren, who by that time had lay down under the covers and started to fall asleep, twitched his head up.

            “Hm?” He looked at her, eyes half-open and sleepy.

            “Do you like Levi?”  She whispered excitedly, a thousand-watt smile on her face.

            Eren’s face went pink.  “Don’t tell anyone.”  He buried his face into the pillow.

            “I won’t, I won’t!”  Hanji changed her innocent smile smile to a smirk.  “But I think you should.”

            “Hanji, no!”  He barely remembered to keep his voice down, glaring at the scientist from the pillow.

            “But you should!”  She insisted. “Can you not see how nice to you he is?  The way he looks at you?” That was news to Eren. When had Levi ever been anything beyond civil toward him?  For God’s sake, the man had beaten him half to death the second time they’d met! _What are you on?!_ He wanted to yell at her.

            He chose the reasonable path instead.  “Major, I don’t think he likes me at all,” Eren said. “Really, I’ve never noticed him being nice to me—other than not having me executed.”  He sighed.  “Can I go to sleep now?  It wouldn’t work out, anyway.”  Hanji gave him a sad look, almost disappointed, but said nothing.  Eren turned over and closed his eyes, falling into a restless sleep.  _What if Hanji was right?_

            The next morning he awoke tired and with a stiff neck—what little sleep he had gotten had been in the wrong position.  Eren cursed his luck, rattling his chains gently as he yawned and stretched.  “I’m up,” he called to whomever was outside his cell.  In the night he had heard Hanji changing places with someone, but he had no idea who.  _Just my luck,_ he though as Levi stepped into the cell to release him.  Their hands touched as his cuffs were undone, and the boy found himself unable to meet Levi’s eyes.

            “Something wrong, brat?”  Levi questioned, undoing the last lock and putting the key into his pants pocket.

            “Nothing, Corporal,” Eren replied bashfully and looked down at his lap.

            “Whatever. It’s time for breakfast already, so hurry and get dressed.”  The shorter man started to walk away when Eren called after him.

            “Wait, Corporal!”  Levi halted at the cell gate.  Eren continued. “Can we talk after breakfast? Alone?”  The man slowly turned to face the brunette.

            “Sure. Be at the mess hall in five.” And with that, he turned on his heel and left.  Eren dressed himself as quickly as he ever had despite his tiredness, and five minutes later was in the mess hall and ready to eat.

            Eren arrived just in time to get the last of breakfast and sat down with his squad, next to Levi.  His squad leader made a noise of acknowledgement when he set his tray down and Eren looked away, trying to focus only on his food.  The rest of the squad made small talk, while Levi ignored them and Eren nervously poked at his food.  _Maybe I should tell him,_ he thought. _Maybe Hanji was right. He acknowledged me. He took over guard duty for her last night to watch me…  What if it’s just a prank?  What if I confess, and then—_ he dropped his spoon into his oatmeal, but picked it back up immediately.  _No.  The corporal isn’t– **Levi**_ _isn’t that kind of a man.  He wouldn’t do something like that._ Eren started shoveling food into his mouth.  _He has to know._

After breakfast, Eren stood by the side of the mess hall doors waiting for Levi.  Once everyone else had left, the shorter man approached him. “You wanted to talk to me?” He asked.

            “I, um…  I did, corporal…” Eren stuttered.  _Tell him. Tell him.  Oh my god, man up and just tell him!_ “I wanted… to tell you something.”

            Levi cocked an eyebrow.  “I’m listening.”  One look into Levi’s eyes, those beautiful eyes, and suddenly Eren felt his world melting away. He brought himself back just in time to hear an impatient “Well?”  Levi tapped his foot.  Eren panicked.

            “Never mind.”  Eren said hurriedly, feeling more than a little disappointed in his apparent lack of courage. Levi walked away.

            “Don’t waste my time again, brat.”

            “Yes, sir.”

            A few minutes later, Eren again found himself pacing Armin’s tiny room, trying to explain the situation.  “…And Major Hanji says he likes me, but I don’t think so at all!”  He finished talking, throwing himself facedown into Armin’s pillow.

            “You’ll never know unless you ask him yourself, Eren.”  The blond patted his friend on the back. Eren turned his head to look at Armin and sighed.

            “Yeah. I guess you’re right.” He mumbled.  “But Armin, what if–”

            “Eren, ‘what if’s aren’t going to get you very far in life.  Sometimes you just have to say ‘fuck it’ and go ahead.” Armin looked at his friend sternly.  Eren had a moment of mild surprise—Armin didn’t curse very often, and when he did it meant he was either very serious or entirely wrapped up in the situation around him.

            “Armin?” Eren recovered and looked the blond in the eyes determinedly.

            “Yeah?”

            “You’re right.”

            Eren didn’t see Levi again that day until it was time for him to be locked back up.  He sat passively in his bed as he was cuffed to the wall again, and almost appeared to be daydreaming, but his face revealed he was deep in thought.  Seeing his expression of deep (and rather unsual) concentration, Levi raised an eyebrow but said nothing.  The silence between them was thick and unbroken until Levi began to walk out of the cell.  For the second time that day, Eren suddenly yelled out.  “Wait, corporal!”

            “What is it, brat?”  Levi turned to look at him.

            “I… well…” Eren’s throat went dry.  _Why can’t I say it?_

            “I’m not undoing your shackles for the world, brat.”

            “No, that’s not it.”  Eren mentally slapped himself for how shaky his voice was.

            “Then what?”  Levi’s voice betrayed he was quickly losing patience.  “I told you already not to waste my time.”

            “I–I… um… I…” Eren looked up and noticed Levi slowly leaving the cell. “No, don’t go yet!”

            “Spit it out, then!”  Levi barked.

            Eren stuttered, but no words came out.  Still, he knew he had to tell his squad leader how he felt. He was just so afraid, but… What could he do? Levi would leave again unless… _Fuck it._  He said his next words with all the passion, enthusiasm, and determination he could muster.  “I love you, Corporal Levi!”

            Levi was silent, his face betraying nothing, and briefly Eren worried if he had gone too far in confessing. Levi spoke again.  “You brat,” he said, and Eren looked away.  “I love you too.”

 

_Thus began the best days of Eren Jaeger’s life._

**Author's Note:**

> The story won't continue under this name, but there is a sequel in the process of being posted. It should be ongoing, so please check it out!


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